He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
