we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
