If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
