how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
