11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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