i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
