took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She bit a glass in half.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
