i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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