that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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