Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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