While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
barbara walters just said penis...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
