Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize