So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
