I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
