Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
