Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
