i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
