Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize