The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
