I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
