Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
