i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
