Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
