i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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