Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
