Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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