Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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