I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
