3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
