Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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