i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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