Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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