the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
