yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize