How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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