I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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