and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
