it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sober January is a disaster.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize