apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize