Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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