Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
