hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They took my balls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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