Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize