If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
pray to the hookup gods
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
