Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
