i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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