how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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