my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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