He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
