so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
