she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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