Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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