Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
