her vagine was all disorganized.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize