My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
