chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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