Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
