Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
