I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
