I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
