That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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