just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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