His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
