I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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