WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
