Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
