ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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