Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
