Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
