yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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