Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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