East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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