sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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