Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
