It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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