she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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