my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize