meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
