Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
