YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
