I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
