You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize